" A New Look"

Alright, well I am officially back! Reloaded, revamped and ready to "Inform & Delight".

A lot has happened since my last post prior to "1+1=..1?" My life has went through an awful lot of changes and experiences since then. For a while my life was at a very "low" point. Struggling for work, a purpose, motivation, and really just a "swift kick in the butt" I ended up doing what a lot of young people do in my place and sign up for the US Military.

Well, I'm on my way out now. The best way I can describe the feeling is being in a dark building with all the windows and doors shut and having to temporarily find a calmness in yourself while you spend all of your time patiently looking for that window or door that will open for you. The light was seeping out of the cracks and outlining the shape of the window that i could see in the midst of this darkness before me. Not to get too excited for I knew I had to still be careful where I stepped and what to feel for so an accident wouldn't happen and keep me in this dark maze that was housing me at this time. Not to completely write off all that was developed in me and learned all along the way while in this place.

It's weird sometimes to realize how certain things come about in your life. As stated in my previous post, " a journey does not advertise much, it just shows you how life really works". After that journey you can't argue it, you gotta take the outcome of all you have been through and learn from your failures and value your success.

Motivation, a purpose, work, a "swift kick in the butt"...yeah i got everything i was searching so hard for at the beginning. The lessons that were taught to me and the realizations that arrived throughout this process have been experiences I will never forget.

As seen in this picture taken by my wife, you see me, opening and standing in the only light that was in this dark room at the time. I do not regret anything I have gone through to get to this point, because the satisfaction, joy and peace that resides in me from making that journey and arriving to this window, could never be replaced. It will always be looked back on and used as a "well" to draw from. But, as I stand there in front of that window looking outward, I don't realize the darkness behind me. My head and eyes stay focused forward and simply bask in the sunlight and whats on the other side waiting for me.

If the chance is there, I would love to thank each individual that was an influence for me all along the way. Hopefully one day that chance will present itself, and I will be fortunate enough to get to say "thank you for this or that" or " you didn't know it at the time but you really gave me this". All that is good and all, but it cant compare to my current task at hand, "getting on the other side of that widow" and being able to look back one day when that happens and tell my kids about the different "rooms" their daddy went threw in that building, what happened to him, and what he learned from it.

It's kinda funny or weird (depending on how you look at it) how inside my self, I feel old. I'm not saying I think I look old or physically feel old, but, just when I sit back and think about my crazy life, I cant wait to retire from it. I literally feel like an old man, bitter in a way, lol, shocked at what all is going on around me, no motivation to try to "keep up" with this fast pace rotation of the world. Even my outlook, tastes, and goals are "old fashion". While at AIT, my friends and I would be talking about random topics and in a sense "passing the mic." and it seemed as if every answer that left my mouth would follow with a reply from them saying " man you're weird, you're like an old man I swear!" It was never really brought to my attention till I got here that ... "yeah, I am..."

One of my buddies here asked me one day in conversation "what are you're goals Murphy, as you get older in life?"...and I sat for a second and thought...well man all I would really want to reach is having a great marriage, big family and sit in that "patriarch" seat. To teach my kids and grand kids things they need to know and be a Godly man, and then man, really just do art." But, sitting there and hearing my answer echo back to me, I thought, why are my goals so much different and "fewer" than every bodies? As i told him my goals, I was opening up my hearts desires and it felt great, and honest. Then realized in a sense, my role in life. I believe that I will get there, why? Because it is my hearts desires and if I seek first the Kingdom of God, He will give me just that.

It's an interesting place in life to be, when you come to a realization about your self and you also realize that you are no where close to being what you thought you were this entire time. Kind of like those dreams you have where you're walking around in school or a public place and every one is talking about this kid who's a "close talker". You keep walking up to people to talk to them about this, because you have no idea who it is...and it isn't until you see the security tapes of you walking up to every one ... and you realize..."oh....I'm the "close talker". That would explain a lot then. lol

But you see my point? That feeling of "AHH, dang it, well what do I do now?" I'll tell you what you do... you make changes. You accept the fact that you were wrong and you do your best to make it right the next time. It has to start immediately though. Do not sit in that dark room and stare out that window the entire time, see what you need to do or where you need to go and start moving. You were looking the whole time for this "close talker" now after realizing its you, you now gotta do everything you can to NOT look like the "close talker". You take a new look at your situation and start putting forth some effort to do what you gotta do.

So, after that conversation with my buddy, changes began to take place. changes that would set me up for becoming who my heart has longed for me to be. I looked at it like this..."well lets see, in what order should I tackle this in?" I figured...the Godly man is a place to start I guess. Now don't think I'm saying now I am a Godly man, all I did was my best to put the Lords desires before my own. I shut up, shut off everything around me and began to listen for his soft voice and gentle nudge of direction. The more that window opened and the light began to shine on things in that room, including myself...the more I began to see what was really around me, and the opportunity arose where I got a "New Look" at my self, and began to see what i was equipped with to help get me out of this dark maze I had been dwelling in for so long.

The cool thing about light is this...it seems so "soft" sometimes and we usually never think twice about how powerful it really is. We always acknowledge darkness don't we? We walk up to a room with the light off or an area with no light...we always point out in some way how dark it is when we describe it. Lets take an "alley" for example. I just proved my point right there, dont know if you caught it or not...I didn't call it a "bright alley" or a "lit up alley"...I called it an "alley" because it is just that. When the "alley" is dark...we always refer to it as "a dark alley".

We give too much credit to darkness being able to change the identity of something, all the time. Why do we over look the fact that LIGHT always , always removes darkness no matter how small the light source. It can be a match, a glow in the dark watch, I don't care where you are you can always use that thing to find your way through a messy room in my case. ;) but it's not until you let light in, then you start to see things for what they really are, and that is my point. You may feel around all you want, use your best judgment on what YOU think it is but the truth is...WE NEED THE ASSISTANCE OF LIGHT to give us that "New look" so we know where to go.

"1+1=...1?"

Meet Sol, Gods newest addition to my life! This LOVELY woman is my wife, and i couldn't be more happy that she is! You would not believe how hard it was to search for a picture that would capture WHO she is. There were so many to choose from and every time I would get to one I thought would be a good choice I kept liking the next one more. After cycling through her pictures about 3 times and getting annoyed with the fact that I simply could not find a picture of my own wife that I just LOVED. So, this one was chosen.

This post may make some of you repulsed at how much love is in our relationship just to forewarn you ;) This is going to be raw, sorta off the top of the "dome" but bare with me...

Is it wrong to not even know where to start when you're introducing your wife to the public? This woman has it all, she has the most intelligent, strong, independent, fiery demeanor about her. All at the same time, equipped with the softest, most caring, passionate, attitude and personality that makes her just light up. When she talks, out comes the sweetest sound of voice, stacked with innocence and beauty and sprinkled with a lot a bit of Mexican accent! All of this makes her radiate with this essence that makes me wanna hug and squeeze her till it seems socially awkward really lol ;)

What can I say, I'm crazy about this woman. She is everything I am not. She truly does make up my better half. There is no lotto in the world that can be won to make me feel as lucky as i feel having her as my wife...and not this "2011" version of wives where its here one minute and gone the next. She is here to stay, I challenge any man out there to lay yourself down and let God show you what you need, then say "yes" and do all you can to go get her and do even more to keep her! Once you have drank from His cup, you never thirst again! <-- true statement.

This post will be some what short considering the ones to follow will go into greater detail of "what I have been doing for the past year or so" to catch you all up. However I do want to say a few things before I end this. Trips are short, a lot may happen but for the most part they are brief segments of one larger story. When you go on a trip, you only come back with quick recaps of small experiences that may effect you, but not necessarily change you. Journeys, however, now that is something to talk about. A journey is a life changing experience that defines your character and helps mold you into who you end up being by the end of your life. Trips are simply paragraphs in the Novel of "Your Life"...a journey is a chapter.

A trip tends to present itself in a way that suggests to you "this is how life is", while a journey does not do a lot of advertising, it will just SHOW you how life is. Most of the time the two do not add up, and if we do not have our wisdom, we end up confused and overlooking what the answer really was. Sometimes, we get an answer to a question that we really did not have at the moment...and if we don't pay attention to whats being shown to us REALLY in life...well then we tend to fall back on what we thought the outcome "should of been"...in reality there should be no argument there. "The proof was in the pudding".

Throughout my latest journey, there have been a cornucopia of things shown to me. Each a puzzle piece to the big picture of not what life should be, but what this life IS. Please, don't get it twisted and think I am claiming to have life's answers, but through some of my experiences, you may get some of your questions answered, you never know.

My future post are still going to show my art and the stories inspired them, as well as the struggles that came about along this journey.

AHH! My beautiful, lovey wife... This post is titled "1+1=...1?" because it is a symbol of my realization of what I have found to be true... that when you find, or when she arrives in your life and you make that connection and your eyes and heart are opened. Your mind tells you there are others around, but your eyes can't see them...and your heart opens up to make room for her...and she floats on in and settles down as graceful as the feather that falls into the book in the opening credits of "Forrest Gump" lol, when that happens you then realize that"ME plus HER" does not equal the "two of us". That would suggest that you are both a separate item, just next to one another. Instead, when that process happens and she appears in your life almost unknowingly, but somehow your heart knew all along...well you then get shown how math in the real world works...1+1=1. We are one....one body....one spirit...one life now. One solid bond of unity for the rest of our eternal lives, because we made the vow before our God, with the others best interest at heart. I promised that I would take her as my wife, to have and to hold, for better or for worse. I would be what she needs me to be no matter her circumstance...and I do this for HER, not for me. What makes her so amazing is she vowed the same thing, till death do us part...now let me ask you this....How do you divide 1?

"What God has joined together, let NO man separate"....if you divide 1, its no longer whole.

"The Spirit of Eve"

This was a weeks long mural for the most part.
Its called "The Spirit of Eve" and i tried to capture the components in a woman that at least I like lol.

Hair: the hair symbolizes beauty. I think there is a feeling attached with hair that speaks in a way that most people dont hear. It tells you more about a person than you think. In a way it sets the overtone of their personality. I also tried capturing the extremes that i see alot of...for instance: the long blone hair on the woman in front is to represent "galmor and beauty", which alot of times is associated with women.
The woman in the back/ middle... stands for the more "exotic" type of woman that stands out to men for some reason as well, i also tried to make her look like she has a "stronger" personality type as well ...she also captures a little bit of creativity too if you can look at her in that sense as well..
Now the female on the left who is reaching out for the fruit is supposed to be a mixture of the too extremes... strong , exotic, but still glamorous in her own way... she is the "Eve" in this painting... my Eve ;)

i made the tree with no leave but still producing fruit...i wanted to capture in a way that the tree is containing a "not so good" spirit... now when i hear of that moment in the Garden of Eaden .. i think of a couple things... 1: i think of how mystical and majestic it must have been...thats why i painted this environment in the feeling that i did...2: i think..if i were in the garden and i had the choice to eat of ANY fruit in there and was told that i couldnt eat of one only.. (it was edible but im just told not to) i dont think i would be as tempted if it were a traditional "apple"..agian this is just me... but i know i would be more enticed to see a fruit that was on a bare tree and was dripping color, at the same time, gave off a glow with a pulse or had a sense of "life" to it...i would be more on the page of .. "hmmm, not that looks interesting ..." so that is why i painted the fruit to look like it does..

also.. im not sure if you can see or not.. but "Eve" in this picture has ear-rings made from the same color or essence of that fruit... as well as the blonde... well she has a necklace that is dripping as well the her hand touches it..this is to symbolize how that "original sin" has carried down thru time.. and is manifested in may other ways... well thats about it... on this one .. i hope you like it .. and im sorry it takes me so long to post new stuff. i will try to have more for you as soon as i can.. thanks for your time...

"The Spirit of Eve

Visual Inspiration

Today, one of my photos will be used as illustration at Billy Coffey's blog, WHAT I LEARNED TODAY.

Billy is the author of SNOWY DAY, soon to be released.
Cool. Check it out.

Each Tuesday, a few of my photos will be used as visual inspiration on MATTER OF FACT blogsite. If you are a writer, blogger or speaker and need a little visual inspiration (especially of you're feeling UNinspired) feel free to use one to inspire and to enhance your post.

"Isn't It Tornado?"

A few years ago I had received a CD from a girlfriend I had at the time. The CD was of Jason Upton..." I have never heard of him, so he must not be that good..." I thought , as she handed it to me and attempted to tell me how much she thought I would like it. So I listened and , ya for the most part I like it but...never gave it any more thought than that. I held on the CD just cause it felt like a gift for some reason at the time...so when time came for me to filter threw all my old music and just either throw away the junk...I would keep putting this CD aside for some reason.

I even remember thinking a couple times " why does getting rid of this CD keep feeling like a bad idea?" Honestly, I never listen to it anymore and I most likely never will, lol.

One night I was sitting alone in my apartment...it had been a while since me and that girl had dated and out of nowhere it just hit me, like "hey Jordan you still have that Jason Upton CD" and I remember feeling like it was a good idea to listen to him at the time. At the time I was feeling kinda just BLAH spiritually down in the dumps, I guess you could say.

So, more or less I kinda thought if I tossed it in, I would just get maybe some encouragement of some sort and lift my spirits or something. Never did it cross my mind, what was in store for me after that. Like I said, I was kinda struggling with a lot in my life...and I was just feeling kinda numb spiritually. So I listen to his album. I began to listen to it while I was struggling before I would sleep...so I could get to sleep, really.

So, after a while , it felt like I was coming out of my "spiritual slump" caused by my lack of faith- come to find out. But I started to searching for Jesus a little more and began to work on my lack of faith. I started to feel a little "hungry" for it ...ya know? I started really wanting to see a "sign" or a miracle or something along those lines. At the time I was hearing a lot of stories of others lives and all the amazing things that God had done for them and all these cool "majorly obvious" things were happening in their lives and I would look at my life and I was like "why is it so hard to find these things in my life if they are that obvious?"

This was then weighing on my heart for a while and began to almost bother me but I was still very curious or hungry for a little something from God. I really was feeling like I was in desperate need of an answer some how, to just " the where are you God?" question. So here's how it went down...

The CD came into my life from some one else , 2 years prior to this story. After the 2 years I was struggling and needing help. The CD goes in for a bit, I feel better....more problems come up and I'm desperate for another need that runs deep with in me. So then this song one song on there stood out to me so much and I loved it for simply what it was .. a song... or was it? After playing this song out... Ithen stumble onto this video of Jason talking about this song. I forgot to tell you that this copy that I have is a LIVE recording.

After listening to this song I kept getting the same mental picture popping up in my mind...and I never could understand why... but I got the same picture again one night listening to it...and following that was the strongest feeling of "you are going to draw this"...so I did. This picture is the mental picture I received multiple times from this song. What is the song?.... you ask. Well on my computer it titled it "Dying Star" but if you look it up on you tube, I think I have found another song by that same title from him as well so ... you might have to fish for it. Here's the video of his explanation of the live recorded version and what all happened that night.

WATCH THIS it is AMAZING!!...and totally what I needed.


Turns out, God knew my heart and let me LISTEN to a miracle as its happening, and in the most crazy ways lol. While all of that is goin on... He is doing a miracle all in the process of getting me to hear this miracle that he did along time ago....and totally in a way that is me... through art and music.

Everyone wants to see or witness a miracle i believe in their lifetime. I'm included in that. I wanted so badly to see Him or hear Him, just anything ... ya know? Little did I know I had been hearing a miracle happen over and over and over again...until I really LISTENED to it...I would have never heard this AMAZING thing happen.

So listen to the live version of that song, watch that video I linked and look at my picture...and read my story and tell me Jesus is not Lord....

" Creation "

This is another mural I have painted in my apartment on the opposite wall as "The Mural in My Mind". I call this "Creation".

I'll start by explaining "the green stuff". The green swirls flowing out everywhere is the breath of life. I chose green because when I think about the word "life" or think about any living thing at all that color comes to my mind...with the words "fertility"and "growth" attached to it. The swirls are to show a process is being done here. The man is drawn in a sketchy manner to show that HE as a man is being made into something physical. As of now you can still see through him. His face and hands are not complete yet because the process is not over .

The man is drawn in this smokey manner to represent his "spirit man"/soul. He is reared back in this overwhelming pose as if something is just over taking him. I'd imagine if we could be alive somehow when we were being created it would be something like that as well.

"...from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." I'm pretty obsessed with the idea of man's creation. I think about it a lot. For some reason ,something about the human body just really interests me. God knew what he was doing when he was constructing this creation that has skin and an armor type feel to the layout of his muscle anatomy. As if God knew 'man' was going to be a warrior of some sort, he gave him a breastplate to protect his heart and lungs, two of the most vital parts of His creation.

He also covered up one of the most sensitive parts with a coat of abdominal muscles. Covered the arms with the most practical set of muscles that allow you to function but still protect yourself in a way. I could go on and on about this but for times sake, I'll keep it short.. but the idea that we were next in line in the thoughts in God's head right after the earth was made.

Scripture said the land was covered in dirt or dust because God had not yet sent rain , he also didn't have anyone to work the earth for when it did rain...so he made man from the dirt. I love the fact that we were not accident and were designed for a purpose. I sit sometimes and think about how I create my own art for certain purposes and what not ...and I think about humans.. how we are all unique in one way or the other and have are own purposes of why we were made. That makes me want to find out so badly what I was originally supposed to do...instead of all the dumb things I choose to do in the process.

I will leave you with this, referring to the painting : when you feel incomplete or empty with no identity, or "no hands" and feeling incapable of doing anything....when you get to that point in life, I encourage you to rear back and let the breath of life overwhelm you and FLOW through you to let it finish 'Its' original purpose...to give us LIFE... and give it abundantly.