Alright, well I am officially back! Reloaded, revamped and ready to "Inform & Delight".
A lot has happened since my last post prior to "1+1=..1?" My life has went through an awful lot of changes and experiences since then. For a while my life was at a very "low" point. Struggling for work, a purpose, motivation, and really just a "swift kick in the butt" I ended up doing what a lot of young people do in my place and sign up for the US Military.
Well, I'm on my way out now. The best way I can describe the feeling is being in a dark building with all the windows and doors shut and having to temporarily find a calmness in yourself while you spend all of your time patiently looking for that window or door that will open for you. The light was seeping out of the cracks and outlining the shape of the window that i could see in the midst of this darkness before me. Not to get too excited for I knew I had to still be careful where I stepped and what to feel for so an accident wouldn't happen and keep me in this dark maze that was housing me at this time. Not to completely write off all that was developed in me and learned all along the way while in this place.
It's weird sometimes to realize how certain things come about in your life. As stated in my previous post, " a journey does not advertise much, it just shows you how life really works". After that journey you can't argue it, you gotta take the outcome of all you have been through and learn from your failures and value your success.
Motivation, a purpose, work, a "swift kick in the butt"...yeah i got everything i was searching so hard for at the beginning. The lessons that were taught to me and the realizations that arrived throughout this process have been experiences I will never forget.
As seen in this picture taken by my wife, you see me, opening and standing in the only light that was in this dark room at the time. I do not regret anything I have gone through to get to this point, because the satisfaction, joy and peace that resides in me from making that journey and arriving to this window, could never be replaced. It will always be looked back on and used as a "well" to draw from. But, as I stand there in front of that window looking outward, I don't realize the darkness behind me. My head and eyes stay focused forward and simply bask in the sunlight and whats on the other side waiting for me.
If the chance is there, I would love to thank each individual that was an influence for me all along the way. Hopefully one day that chance will present itself, and I will be fortunate enough to get to say "thank you for this or that" or " you didn't know it at the time but you really gave me this". All that is good and all, but it cant compare to my current task at hand, "getting on the other side of that widow" and being able to look back one day when that happens and tell my kids about the different "rooms" their daddy went threw in that building, what happened to him, and what he learned from it.
It's kinda funny or weird (depending on how you look at it) how inside my self, I feel old. I'm not saying I think I look old or physically feel old, but, just when I sit back and think about my crazy life, I cant wait to retire from it. I literally feel like an old man, bitter in a way, lol, shocked at what all is going on around me, no motivation to try to "keep up" with this fast pace rotation of the world. Even my outlook, tastes, and goals are "old fashion". While at AIT, my friends and I would be talking about random topics and in a sense "passing the mic." and it seemed as if every answer that left my mouth would follow with a reply from them saying " man you're weird, you're like an old man I swear!" It was never really brought to my attention till I got here that ... "yeah, I am..."
One of my buddies here asked me one day in conversation "what are you're goals Murphy, as you get older in life?"...and I sat for a second and thought...well man all I would really want to reach is having a great marriage, big family and sit in that "patriarch" seat. To teach my kids and grand kids things they need to know and be a Godly man, and then man, really just do art." But, sitting there and hearing my answer echo back to me, I thought, why are my goals so much different and "fewer" than every bodies? As i told him my goals, I was opening up my hearts desires and it felt great, and honest. Then realized in a sense, my role in life. I believe that I will get there, why? Because it is my hearts desires and if I seek first the Kingdom of God, He will give me just that.
It's an interesting place in life to be, when you come to a realization about your self and you also realize that you are no where close to being what you thought you were this entire time. Kind of like those dreams you have where you're walking around in school or a public place and every one is talking about this kid who's a "close talker". You keep walking up to people to talk to them about this, because you have no idea who it is...and it isn't until you see the security tapes of you walking up to every one ... and you realize..."oh....I'm the "close talker". That would explain a lot then. lol
But you see my point? That feeling of "AHH, dang it, well what do I do now?" I'll tell you what you do... you make changes. You accept the fact that you were wrong and you do your best to make it right the next time. It has to start immediately though. Do not sit in that dark room and stare out that window the entire time, see what you need to do or where you need to go and start moving. You were looking the whole time for this "close talker" now after realizing its you, you now gotta do everything you can to NOT look like the "close talker". You take a new look at your situation and start putting forth some effort to do what you gotta do.
So, after that conversation with my buddy, changes began to take place. changes that would set me up for becoming who my heart has longed for me to be. I looked at it like this..."well lets see, in what order should I tackle this in?" I figured...the Godly man is a place to start I guess. Now don't think I'm saying now I am a Godly man, all I did was my best to put the Lords desires before my own. I shut up, shut off everything around me and began to listen for his soft voice and gentle nudge of direction. The more that window opened and the light began to shine on things in that room, including myself...the more I began to see what was really around me, and the opportunity arose where I got a "New Look" at my self, and began to see what i was equipped with to help get me out of this dark maze I had been dwelling in for so long.
The cool thing about light is this...it seems so "soft" sometimes and we usually never think twice about how powerful it really is. We always acknowledge darkness don't we? We walk up to a room with the light off or an area with no light...we always point out in some way how dark it is when we describe it. Lets take an "alley" for example. I just proved my point right there, dont know if you caught it or not...I didn't call it a "bright alley" or a "lit up alley"...I called it an "alley" because it is just that. When the "alley" is dark...we always refer to it as "a dark alley".
We give too much credit to darkness being able to change the identity of something, all the time. Why do we over look the fact that LIGHT always , always removes darkness no matter how small the light source. It can be a match, a glow in the dark watch, I don't care where you are you can always use that thing to find your way through a messy room in my case. ;) but it's not until you let light in, then you start to see things for what they really are, and that is my point. You may feel around all you want, use your best judgment on what YOU think it is but the truth is...WE NEED THE ASSISTANCE OF LIGHT to give us that "New look" so we know where to go.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Meet Sol, Gods newest addition to my life! This LOVELY woman is my wife, and i couldn't be more happy that she is! You would not believe how hard it was to search for a picture that would capture WHO she is. There were so many to choose from and every time I would get to one I thought would be a good choice I kept liking the next one more. After cycling through her pictures about 3 times and getting annoyed with the fact that I simply could not find a picture of my own wife that I just LOVED. So, this one was chosen.
This post may make some of you repulsed at how much love is in our relationship just to forewarn you ;) This is going to be raw, sorta off the top of the "dome" but bare with me...
Is it wrong to not even know where to start when you're introducing your wife to the public? This woman has it all, she has the most intelligent, strong, independent, fiery demeanor about her. All at the same time, equipped with the softest, most caring, passionate, attitude and personality that makes her just light up. When she talks, out comes the sweetest sound of voice, stacked with innocence and beauty and sprinkled with a lot a bit of Mexican accent! All of this makes her radiate with this essence that makes me wanna hug and squeeze her till it seems socially awkward really lol ;)
What can I say, I'm crazy about this woman. She is everything I am not. She truly does make up my better half. There is no lotto in the world that can be won to make me feel as lucky as i feel having her as my wife...and not this "2011" version of wives where its here one minute and gone the next. She is here to stay, I challenge any man out there to lay yourself down and let God show you what you need, then say "yes" and do all you can to go get her and do even more to keep her! Once you have drank from His cup, you never thirst again! <-- true statement.
This post will be some what short considering the ones to follow will go into greater detail of "what I have been doing for the past year or so" to catch you all up. However I do want to say a few things before I end this. Trips are short, a lot may happen but for the most part they are brief segments of one larger story. When you go on a trip, you only come back with quick recaps of small experiences that may effect you, but not necessarily change you. Journeys, however, now that is something to talk about. A journey is a life changing experience that defines your character and helps mold you into who you end up being by the end of your life. Trips are simply paragraphs in the Novel of "Your Life"...a journey is a chapter.
A trip tends to present itself in a way that suggests to you "this is how life is", while a journey does not do a lot of advertising, it will just SHOW you how life is. Most of the time the two do not add up, and if we do not have our wisdom, we end up confused and overlooking what the answer really was. Sometimes, we get an answer to a question that we really did not have at the moment...and if we don't pay attention to whats being shown to us REALLY in life...well then we tend to fall back on what we thought the outcome "should of been"...in reality there should be no argument there. "The proof was in the pudding".
Throughout my latest journey, there have been a cornucopia of things shown to me. Each a puzzle piece to the big picture of not what life should be, but what this life IS. Please, don't get it twisted and think I am claiming to have life's answers, but through some of my experiences, you may get some of your questions answered, you never know.
My future post are still going to show my art and the stories inspired them, as well as the struggles that came about along this journey.
AHH! My beautiful, lovey wife... This post is titled "1+1=...1?" because it is a symbol of my realization of what I have found to be true... that when you find, or when she arrives in your life and you make that connection and your eyes and heart are opened. Your mind tells you there are others around, but your eyes can't see them...and your heart opens up to make room for her...and she floats on in and settles down as graceful as the feather that falls into the book in the opening credits of "Forrest Gump" lol, when that happens you then realize that"ME plus HER" does not equal the "two of us". That would suggest that you are both a separate item, just next to one another. Instead, when that process happens and she appears in your life almost unknowingly, but somehow your heart knew all along...well you then get shown how math in the real world works...1+1=1. We are one....one body....one spirit...one life now. One solid bond of unity for the rest of our eternal lives, because we made the vow before our God, with the others best interest at heart. I promised that I would take her as my wife, to have and to hold, for better or for worse. I would be what she needs me to be no matter her circumstance...and I do this for HER, not for me. What makes her so amazing is she vowed the same thing, till death do us part...now let me ask you this....How do you divide 1?
"What God has joined together, let NO man separate"....if you divide 1, its no longer whole.